I'm glad you wrote this. Open marriage has been given far too much of a free pass for years. I was in one and agree with every point you've made and my experience aligns with the data. But the whole thing is kind of circular, isn't it. A couple is struggling, flailing, grasping at straws. So they experiment with open marriage. This is just an opening of a more toxic can of worms that will drive the two apart, introduce new resentments, and reduce intimacy yet further. Open marriage is an accelerant for all the challenges already in a struggling marriage. And you know what? My guess is that in the opting for an open marriage, what they might have been seeking without knowing it was more connection, not more sex; yes, that's the voice of experience.
By the way, I also meant to comment that the popularity of open marriage among the young might be due to more than just fear of missing out. I think the popularization in Hollywood and Media has helped brainwash them that it’s OK. The same way that the Young Are perfectly comfortable with gay marriage, trans, polyamory, all sorts of nonsense that was not socially acceptable just a decade ago.
Great post and surprising to me that the men want more. I most often hear the women asking the husband for it, and in virtually every case she’s already cheating but it’s just tired of hiding it. Worse, she feels safe to go find extra validation and attention through new partners… Because getting sexual partners is easy for women. And she thinks the husband will not be getting a bunch of new sexual partners because it’s harder for men, particularly if they are married at age 40+.
Regardless, whichever partner is surprised by the request, it can be devastating. They weren’t prepared to go out and sleep with strangers, and now their spouse wants to do exactly that. Even if they haven’t already cheated, they are likely already prepared for one or more people to approach . Some couples establish rules like never bringing them into the marital home, but sometimes they don’t think ahead and they do something extra disrespectful like bring a stranger into the marital bed.
It is extra stupid even if you remove the elements of religious sin. And I’m certain the giant failure rate is because it’s almost always used as a mask to cover up a cheating affair. If the marriage has been opened, then they can’t be “caught cheating” texting sexual partners. But that’s where the distrust comes in, they know it’s cheating and that they got tricked into an arrangement they didn’t want.
I'm glad you wrote this. Open marriage has been given far too much of a free pass for years. I was in one and agree with every point you've made and my experience aligns with the data. But the whole thing is kind of circular, isn't it. A couple is struggling, flailing, grasping at straws. So they experiment with open marriage. This is just an opening of a more toxic can of worms that will drive the two apart, introduce new resentments, and reduce intimacy yet further. Open marriage is an accelerant for all the challenges already in a struggling marriage. And you know what? My guess is that in the opting for an open marriage, what they might have been seeking without knowing it was more connection, not more sex; yes, that's the voice of experience.
By the way, I also meant to comment that the popularity of open marriage among the young might be due to more than just fear of missing out. I think the popularization in Hollywood and Media has helped brainwash them that it’s OK. The same way that the Young Are perfectly comfortable with gay marriage, trans, polyamory, all sorts of nonsense that was not socially acceptable just a decade ago.
Great post and surprising to me that the men want more. I most often hear the women asking the husband for it, and in virtually every case she’s already cheating but it’s just tired of hiding it. Worse, she feels safe to go find extra validation and attention through new partners… Because getting sexual partners is easy for women. And she thinks the husband will not be getting a bunch of new sexual partners because it’s harder for men, particularly if they are married at age 40+.
Regardless, whichever partner is surprised by the request, it can be devastating. They weren’t prepared to go out and sleep with strangers, and now their spouse wants to do exactly that. Even if they haven’t already cheated, they are likely already prepared for one or more people to approach . Some couples establish rules like never bringing them into the marital home, but sometimes they don’t think ahead and they do something extra disrespectful like bring a stranger into the marital bed.
It is extra stupid even if you remove the elements of religious sin. And I’m certain the giant failure rate is because it’s almost always used as a mask to cover up a cheating affair. If the marriage has been opened, then they can’t be “caught cheating” texting sexual partners. But that’s where the distrust comes in, they know it’s cheating and that they got tricked into an arrangement they didn’t want.
I'm so curious about this research myself. Would you mind sharing sources?